i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
