he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
