I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
