We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
