Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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