Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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