sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
