i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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