no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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