we're chasing vodka with high fives
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
