I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
