What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
