Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
