Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
