I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
