I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
