Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
