2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
