Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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