Me too!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
