Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
