P.S. I can't hear my feet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
