her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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