it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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