your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
