I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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