Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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