he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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