I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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