Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
