I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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