my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
