2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
