yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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