it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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