oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
