just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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