She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
