u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
