I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
