dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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