I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
