were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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