she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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