it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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