Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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