Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
