I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
