guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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