Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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