I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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