Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
