I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Congratulations! We have a period
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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