first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
