if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
