i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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