had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
