well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
