I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
