there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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