Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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