I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
